Dear Refaat,

I wrote a letter for your birthday. It’s a cliché, I know, but I had to, considering you spent years terrorizing us into becoming better writers!

I think back to when we first crossed paths in 2014, right after that 51-day Israeli military assault. The air in Gaza was thick with smoke, grief, and rubble, and Gaza felt like it was still bleeding. Everyone was picking up the pieces of what was left of their homes and lives, yours included. Israel had killed your brother, and your family home had been reduced to dust and memories from the past. Yet somehow, you stood tall, the daring man from Shijaiyah you were, like a resilient age-old olive tree that refuses to bow to the storm.

A year later, I joined "We Are Not Numbers," a space you helped create for young writers in Gaza to tell their stories to the world. I was full of self-doubt; writing had always been my refuge, but in Arabic. English felt like a mountain I wasn’t sure I could climb. I doubted my ability to pour my heart out in English, to capture the same depth, the same sincerity. You were our creative writing mentor, and let’s be honest, you were terrifying at first. Not because you were unkind, but because you could see right through us. There was no room for mediocrity around you. You’d look at a piece of writing, smirk, and say, “You can do better,” and we’d all collectively feel like we were back in kindergarten, trying to color within the lines. But that’s where your magic lay. You pushed us so hard that we had no choice but to grow. And suddenly, the mountain I feared didn’t seem so steep.

Harsh but kind. Patient but merciless. You didn’t give out compliments freely, and when you did, it felt like scoring a banger in a World Cup final. I remember those early days when I’d turn in a piece of writing, hoping it was good enough, and you’d read it with that poker face of yours. I’d sit there sweating, waiting for the verdict, and you’d say something like, “Well, this is a start,” which meant, “Back to the drawing board.” But deep down, we all knew that’s what made you brilliant. You never let us settle. Always dropping knowledge and resources like breadcrumbs, you forced us to dig deeper, to think harder, to write with more heart. You turned every assignment into a long but exhilarating battle between us and our own potential. I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

A year later, you taught me Romantic Literature in my senior year at the Islamic University of Gaza. For the final project, you gave us the option to write a short story or an article. I went for the article, thinking I was being smart, sidestepping all the creative fluff. I was so proud of that piece until you handed it back with a “B+”.  When my inner nerd was about to fight you on the grade, you said it was one of the best pieces you’d read written by a student of yours. I spent the next several years waving that compliment around like a trophy, as if it overnight made me a literary genius. I’m pretty sure I drove my friends crazy bragging about it. Even after I graduated, even when we had moved from being teacher and student to friends, you’d remind me of that piece. You’d bring it up, laughing, just to remind me that you still kept it because it was one of your favorites. I didn’t need an A+.

Then in 2018, when you asked me to be your teaching assistant for that program training Gaza’s youth to help them seek online self-employment jobs, I was honored and slightly terrified. We were teaching them everything from basic English communication skills to translation theory, and you were the same relentless caring mentor, following up with trainees even after the program ended, checking their progress, reviewing their work like a proud father.

That time gave me a whole new perspective. I wasn’t just the student sitting in the seats before you anymore. I had moved to the assistant standing right beside you, catching a glimpse of your two worlds. In one, you were under the spotlight, practicing your signature tough love as a mentor and showering your students with knowledge and wisdom. In the other, behind the scenes, I saw you carefully and painstakingly preparing teaching materials and doing research. You’d even come to me seeking advice. Me? You said I was closer in age to the students, so surely I had some insights that could help you connect better with them. It was your subtle way of empowering me, nudging me toward confidence, and preparing me for the day I’d stand on my own feet in front of my own class. And when that day came the following year, there I was, leading my own sessions, using the materials you had spent years refining, which you handed over to me with ultimate generosity. It was as if you were saying, "I’ve cleared the path a little, and now it’s your turn." And it made all the difference. And for that, I’ll always be grateful.

We could spend hours dissecting every football match, exchanging memes and jokes, and diving into the absurdity of imagining how Shakespeare himself might have poetically narrated that jaw-dropping Messi goal or that flawless perfectly timed assist. But it wasn’t just football. We bonded over everything: shows, movies, books. You were a magnet for creativity, drawn to it wherever it lived. You had this infectious love for memes. You didn’t just enjoy them; you liked being the subject of them. You'd proudly send me a meme or a WhatsApp sticker and type with childlike excitement, "Look what a student sent me today!" It was like you were collecting little tokens of joy from everyone around you, and they kept coming because you gave so much of it yourself.

Even in our final conversation, just a week before you were killed, you sent me a meme you'd made about your car, abandoned somewhere in Gaza City, stranded between Israeli tanks and the Palestinian resistance. You were forced to leave it behind, yet you found a way to laugh about it. That was just who you were: a lighthearted soul even amid war. You joked, even as you were running from one shelter to another, trying to find a place safe enough for your family and children. You had lost more than 10 kilos from the lack of food, but somehow, you hadn’t lost your spirit.

And even in those darkest moments, when survival was the only thing that should’ve mattered, you still checked on me. I wasn’t even in Gaza, yet you asked if I needed anything. You asked about my family, who had fled to the south, offering to help with money, food, water… whatever they needed. In the middle of your own chaos, your instinct was still to care for others. Even as war tried to strip everything from you, it couldn’t take your heart.

Refaat,

I can picture you in heaven, just as I saw you in life. If I were to draw a cartoon of this picture, it would be of a tall, thin man in constant motion, a pen always tucked into your chest pocket like a loyal companion, your fingers typing away on your phone, capturing bits of a story or idea that just popped into your mind. Above your head, I’d sketch dozens of glowing lamps, floating like a cloud, never running out of light, just like you never ran out of ideas. These lamps would illuminate your path and extend their light to every corner you passed, giving others who follow the chance to walk with fewer stumbles, fewer bumps, because you’d been there first.

Dear Refaat,

When hope abandons me, when despair grips my heart and I question the purpose of all this endless suffering, your memory saves me. The weight of living in a world that has taken so much from us, sometimes feels unbearable. But then I think of you, how you lived, how you fought, and how you were taken from us too soon. I think of you and all those I’ve lost because of the Israeli occupation in these nearly 30 years of my life. I think of the way you fought for us, for our right to exist in a world that seems to offer only cruelty in return. I refuse to accept that your sacrifice, your life, was in vain. You, and all the others, cannot simply be gone without purpose. You can’t just disappear into the void, as if you were never here, leaving your work unfinished. You walked so that we could run, and I will run, crawl, swim, fly, and move mountains to make sure you didn’t leave for nothing. When the strength to continue eludes me, when getting out of bed feels impossible, when I’m too broken to keep going, I think of you. You stood tall in the face of unspeakable horror, in a world full of cowards. You fought with every breath and with every “expo marker” you held. For you, for me, for all of us, and for the long life you should have had, I’ll fight back.

Happy birthday, Refaat. I’m looking at you and waiting for you, as you wield a red pen, to meticulously edit this letter and send it back with corrections.